The Christmas weekend is wrapping up here. I must confess that this is one year I am glad that it's over quickly.
The 24th and the anticipation and spirit of it was OK, but the 25th was really a stark reminder that I am far from family and home. Our midday holiday meal was nicely presented ( and appreciated) , but was lacking in much celebratory spirit ( we did have an interesting pyro show when the cooks lit the paper table cloth on fire). It was also very much out of the ordinary for me to have it right in the middle of the day after 1200 calories in the AM. I was pretty blue. What I had to realize is that I'm not here to celebrate the holidays and have a good time, but truly for the purpose of getting better.
My brother wisely pointed something out that rang true for me r.e. this holiday. For many in this country, we are very attached to Christmases past and all the traditions and trappings of them. When we become adults, it is very common to be trying to chase the past ghosts, thrills, experiences, etc - which inevitably causes us some disappointment.
The more fitting way to celebrate is simply reach for being with family, sharing a little cheer, and taking a little time to be quiet and celebrate the endings, beginnings, and blessings which we have.
I truly look forward sharing the future holidays with my family and friends in a more engaged, comfortable, present way.
I am doing OK at present. Some days seem pretty tough. Other stretches pretty decent.
We now have only 7 people on the unit which feels pretty different from when I arrived and there were 12.
At times it feels a bit like being in a monastery - lots of time for reflection. It will probably be this way going forward for several weeks. I am missing a bit some of the connections i had with the more recovered patients, and feel a bit more on my own private journey. I think I might be happier with a few more people here for more input and sharing of stories, but this is not the reality at present. I guess for this reason I appreciate the weekdays, because they're busy and steady.
Last week I went out on a group lunch pass w. the nutritionist and 3 other peers to a Middle Eastern place in the neighborhood. We all had shish kebabs with hummus, babag., lots of rice and pita. It was fair to good food. At the end, Mary (we'll call her) the nutritionist told us what we still needed to get at Starbucks to make our 900 calorie amount for lunch. I had to finish with a grande Pumpkin Spice latte to roughly hit my mark. It was a v. good learning experience to see what's on a plate and how much one needs to get. Overall, it was really just great to go out and have a relatively normal meal experience and walk back on the streets without feeling v. rushed. Nice taste of things to come - my first external practice for upcoming passes out.
This week I will meet a couple more times with my resident counselor. Sorry to see him go, but hopefully can get going OK with the new gal next week.
We had a big storm overnight and had essentially a snow day on the unit today - was kind of like a Sunday. Lots of playing in the snow outside. Reminds me of my upstate NY days. Man, they are a bit slow digging out - had a bunch of things cancelled on Mon. and Tues. Thank God and a few nurses for ventures out into the neighborhood.
thanks to those who sent me notes over the holiday sending they're wishes - it was really appreciated.
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